Mmmmmm

Toasted bagel with an inch of cream cheese

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

(Source: spockdarlin, via dryskincream)

zeklos:

foreverdepressedteen:

allhailtheboyking:

IM GOING TO SCREAM IM IN CLASS AND THESE GIRLS WHO BULLIED ME IN 5TH GRADE ARE WHISPERING AND THEYRE LIKE

"holy shit did she go to our elementary school"

"i dont know if thats her"

"i rly dont think thats her guys"

AND THE TEACHER CALLED MY NAME AND THEY GO

"holy shit shes hot"

THIS

IS

THE

FUCKING

L I F E

YOU FUCKING GO IM PROUD OF YOU

OWN IT FOR ALL OF US

(Source: solarcrashx, via dontbreakmedarling)

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